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You don’t get to bring friends

Rick James ruined Eddie Murphy’s couch because he knew Eddie could buy another one.

Bill Gates has breasts

The world’s youngest mother gave birth at the age of five years, seven months, and 21 days.

The identity of the father remains unknown to this day, as she refused to divulge it.

“Sometimes dead is better”

Fred Gwynne is the only person who even attempted an accent in Pet Sematary

He died of pancreatic cancer at age 66.

The popular image of pirates, with peg leg, eyepatch, buried treasure and the Jolly Roger can be traced to the 1724 book
A General History of the Pyrates. The book’s mysterious author used the pen name Captain Charles Johnson.

Boomhauer’s secret to picking up women is to ask out every woman he sees until one of them says yes.

For the 2024 season, Major League Baseball began to use tight partially see-through pants for player uniforms.

This is a gold wire with the thickness of a single atom. Those beads are individual gold atoms bonded together. That’s cool.

@UrbanMysticDee
How would you know? Have you ever attempted to make love with a yak before?

@Twiface
that’s not a fact that’s headcanon.

NYC spends half a million dollars to incarcerate a single prisoner for a year. Meanwhile it’s only $106,000 per prisoner in the state of California.

Are you shitting me?

When Shaggy talks he talks normal but when he sings you can’t understand him.

When Ozzy Osbourne talks you can’t understand him but when he sings he sings normal.

If you combine the two you get one person who sings and talks perfectly and one person who can’t talk or sing at all.

According to the Profit Muhammad, “the eyes are the leather strap of the anus, so whoever sleeps should bathe” (Sunan Abi Dawud 203) because when you sleep you crap your pants.

Ol’ Man River, he must know something, but don’t say nothing. That Ol’ Man River, he just keeps rolling along.

He don’t plant taters, he don’t plant cotton, and them that plant ‘em is soon forgotten, but Ol’ Man River, he just keeps rolling along.

A stallion’s penis is three times (or more!) larger than yours.
Even pigs and ducks got you beat.

Deer can jump. Really high. They can clear three foot tall fences effortlessly.
You wouldn’t believe it unless you’ve actually seen it yourself.

Shooting a deer is like shooting a beautiful man

Today is Saint Patrick’s Day. He got rid of all the snakes in Ireland. In 2006 they made a movie about his life where Hollywood did what it always does and replaced a redhead with a black man.

@Dex Stewart
Are you sure those aren’t the same guy?

I’ve now found out that the wiki and various other sources may have been wrong and the Mark Williams who voiced these two random monsters may have actually been this dude:

Mark Williams is a pretty common name, so much more likely this NZ guy just has poorly curated credits than a British actor happened to be in NZ a couple times and at the same time did some Power Rangers voices.

The 105 trillionth digit of pi is 6.

It took 75 days to calculate.