“Ah, welcome one and all. So glad you could make it to our little tour of Canterlot Castle. I hope you’re all in good spirits. Now, please step lively, we don’t want to lose anyone on the tour. No telling how lost you could get in these old hallways, or just what might be lurking in the cobwebbed corners. Well, there might be some telling, but of course it’s mostly old stories and legends of the castle’s history. And Canterlot Castle has quite a lot of history behind it.
 
“You’ll feel quite a lot of cold drafts here, but that’s quite common in these old castles. The wind seems to fly right through the joints and mortar, and there’s very little in the way of insulation. But there are those who say that icy chill creeping down your spine is the spirit of poor little Cozy Glow. Over a hundred years ago a little moppet of a foal once pranced through this halls; an orphan pitied by the princess and taken under her wing. But this orphan’s adorable curls and big eyes hid something sinister. The princess always took ill whenever she dined with her pupil, and one day she grew so sick she couldn’t raise the sun. It was during this darkness that a blizzard iced the kingdom over, and Cozy found herself locked outside with no one able to hear her cries over the howling gales. And so perished Cozy Glow; frozen to death in a storm as dark and cold as her heart. Every now and then you’ll see a phantom foal wandering the halls, chilled blue to the bone and begging for warmth.
 
“But let’s turn our minds away from such dreary affairs, and instead look upon these magnificent bedrooms. These serve as guestrooms for any visitors to the castle. This one, here, however, once served a very unwelcome visitor. It was centuries ago that our city fell to the invading Changeling Army led by Queen Chrysalis. She overtook the castle and threw the princess in the dungeon, and for a time lived quite comfortably in Canterlot. But while the queen was enjoying herself, her subjects struggled to eke out a living in the city. Success had spoiled Chrysalis and made her deaf to their pleas for assistance. This of course led to the great Changeling Revolution, which I’m sure you all learned in school. Queen Chrysalis met her end on a chopping block, and the ax swung not by an enemy, but one of her own changelings. Ponies who stay in this room claim to hear her screams of fury, howled in the night by a head hastily sewn back on with thread.
 
“We’ll take a short detour through the dungeons to get the west wing where I’ll show you our magnificent ballroom. Mind the cobwebs, and do be careful of any rodents; remember they’re more afraid of you than you are of them. Nothing to be afraid of here. Well, there was at one time, but that was long, long ago. Some of you may recall learning about Lord Tirek, who came to Equestria with the goal of pilfering all of our magic. He would have gotten away with it had it not been for his brother Scorpan warning the princesses, but subduing him did not come easy. He was locked in these very dungeons, chained and under guard until he could be tried, but suffered an untimely death from what we now believe to be poisonous mold. Oh, don’t worry, we’ve long since taken care of it. Lord Tirek is a different matter, however. They say you can hear him marching through the castle, his chains clanking deep into the night…”