This is my first submission of the year, after some bitter moments. Recently I wasn’t feeling so good due to, I would say, a depressive period. I constantly feel my effort doesn’t count. I’ll never be featured in the fandom as an artist. That drove me to an unhealthy envy (against artists who rose the top by selling clop… I on’t really have the “bravery” to enter that world and earn “easy” money selling explicit art, but when I remember how much do they earn with that… oof, that completely makes me feel blue) which, didn’t completely ended. But of course I don’t want to feel that until the end of my life, I consider it an issue, not a middlebrow though I should feel “proud” of that. Money is scarce in this country (Chile) and everything is absurdly expensive (Spain level), everybody wants to rob you via taxes and debts, and I don’t have a stable job (and my college schedule is also awful. I can’t work in anything that requires a schedule you can’t pass up.). I should consider some professional help (I’ve never tried suicide or behaved awkwardly in public, but I don’t really feel confident with myself). But, you can’t pay for that as you’re buying a bag of snacks. My only temporary solution is trying to not having those thoughts and carry on. Who cares if I’m not popular. Who cares If I can’t sell art. I prefer to not overthinking that. I don’t want to be a stop-selling artist or trying to be featured in some weird fandom site anymore. I prefer to draw just because I love doing this. And if those bad thoughs want to come back to make me feel sick again. I should find the form of stopping them by myself. This is my personal fight and no one else’s.
 
 
PS: Lastly I’ve been reading how an incredible fandom artist, StormXF3, is confronting depression too. If somehow you’re reading this. You must know that your work really worths it. You were one of the first artists of the fandom and I really admire your beautiful montages. Don’t surrender, and fight with those thoughts. If you have the resources to seek help, use them, Don’t lose yourself, dude. If you want to take a recess or retire, it’s up to you, and we’ll support you. But don’t lose against sadness, you really worth it.