Page 344 - Mr. Welch for Ponies, Cont.

Author: Zarhon

Guest Author’s Note: “Now with more Spike, druids, and animals! This is why we can’t have nice things.

For those of you in the comments: Post a story of a stunt, scheme, or performance that got you experienced, performed, or witnessed, that had to be banned, vetoed, or otherwise stopped to prevent a campaign collapse.”

More things the Mane Six can no longer do during an RPG

• I cannot plan a heist, caper, or other form of high-profile theft just to steal common, easily-bought household objects.
• Nor use them to trespass public buildings such as hospitals, libraries, or other facilities I could enter freely.
• A library book fine is no justification for a caper.
• Power tools do not count as combat equipment in a setting with zombies.
• Nor are they the solution to everything.
• Not allowed to craft “higher power tools.”
• Nor am I allowed to teach animals or familiars how to use them.
• Even if the rules allow it, not allowed to pile or stack an infinite amount of creatures into a single space.
• I cannot use my familiars or animal companions as crafting materials.
• I cannot use any still-living creatures as any form of crafting material, even if they are made of such.
• Not allowed to use them as ranged or melee weapons either.
• Not allowed to cure poisoned allies with my bare hands.
• Not allowed to perform any type of surgery without any surgical tools or implements.
• Claws do not count as surgical or medical equipment.
• Not allowed to eat the treasure.
• Especially my allies’ share of it.
• Not allowed to hire minors to perform any task that would risk them taking combat damage.
• Nor am I allowed to have them perform animal handling checks in my stead.
• I do not gain exp for combat encounters won by minors, even if they are in my employ.
• Not allowed to train or teach animals how to use rope.
• Not allowed to train or teach familiars any form of humanoid restraint.
• Not allowed to feed my familiar with the druid’s animal companion.
• Or other familiars.
• Or the druid.
• Not allowed to plant, germinate, cultivate, spawn, or otherwise create any form of explosive flora or foliage.
• Or treants.
• Especially if I’m a druid.
• Martial combat techniques may not be used to perform heal checks.
• Nor can they be used to substitute animal handling.
• Any plans that involve high amounts of bees are automatically vetoed.
• Especially if I’m a druid.
• Shoving my face into a scrying pool or similar magical liquid doesn’t automatically let me use it.
• I am not to dive into, drink from, bathe within, or otherwise interact with a pool of volatile, harmful, or holy liquid.
• The same principle applies for any magical source, funnel, or font of arcane or magical energy. Especially artifacts.
• I may not use butterfly swarms for combat encounters.
• There is no such thing as a “dire butterfly swarm,” nor am I allowed to create one.
• Throwing rocks against a creature or monster of giant or gargantuan size does not equal an instant victory.
• There is no such thing as a “vorpal pebble.”
• Any build that allows me to use an ordinary slingshot to deal more than 10 dice of damage is automatically vetoed.
• I am not to value the life of plants higher than the life of the other characters, even if I am a druid.
• Non-sapient plants are not to be socialized with, even as a druid.
• I may not take non-sentient plants as companions or familiars, or into combat encounters.
• Nor do they get a share of the treasure.
• I may not perform any action, plan, scheme, or action that would cause the wrath and direct divine intervention of my own deity.
• Or any deity, for that matter.
• Any plan that requires the direct intervention of a deity to work can be assumed to be a very poor one.