Oh, er, uhm… ‘ullo, Tumblr. Me name’s Buckler—er, Proivate B.O. Buckler, mind yew—and Oi’m the aide-de-camp for the good Cap’n Britannia, so I am! Er, but Oi’m afraid she’s a bit, er, out of sorts roight now, an’ ’aving a lie down for a few minutes. Erm, and she told me to take over on this ’ere fing for just a few minutes.
Well, so erm. Oi’ve never ’ad the opportunity to ’ave a proper go at this meself, but Oi seem to ’ave the ’ang of it. We ’ave a picture ’ere of that chap from the, er… Department of Inter-Dimensional Relations, Oi believe ’e is. Now Oi will say ’e seems loik a noice enough bloke, but ’e’s not ’ad the best hidea ‘ere. Y’see, erm, that there unicorn in the photo on the left there, ’er name’s Kookaburra Cackle, an’ uhm… she’s, er… she looks after Roary for a livin’. ‘im being the chap in the painting up there on the wall, y’see.
An’ well, Oi wouldn’t loik to try an’ guess at ‘er diet, but the Cap’n sez she don’t eat or drink nuffing but beer an’ vegemite sarnies. And Oi’d be willin’ to believe that y’know, cos Oi can smell the stuff on ’er any time Oi’m anywhere near ’er. Oi do reckon she ’as a cast iron stomach on ’er—an’ same goes for ’er zebra friend there, too. Pomegranate’s ’is name, and ’e don’t never talk. Least, Oi ain’t never ’eard a word from ’im.
Er, anyways. They’re seein’ which one of ’em can ’old more of the strong stuff… an’ well, just between you an’ me, Tumblr folks, my money’s on Kook there.
…Oi’ll ’ave to be off, it looks like they’re about to ’ave a winner over there… Oh! ’fore I forget.
Left to right: Pomegranate, Kookaburra Cackle, Saturn, Slightly Eccentric, Lt Darklove.